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Tenant's Excuse of the Day page 8

Page 8
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The LPA selects the most original excuses made by tenants to their landlords. If you have an interesting or funny story about your tenant's excuse for not paying rent, we'd love to hear it!
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Excuse of the Day for 12/31/03:

"All the bank officers were on vacation because of the holidays, so they couldn't put my transfer of funds through."

This guy is 60+ days behind...and he thinks he's very clever. Wish I could be there to see his face when he gets his notice to quit! - Amanda, WI

Excuse of the Day for 12/23/03:

"The previous tenant stopped by and told us about you. You won't be intimidating us for the rent."

I wonder if the previous tenant mentioned how quickly I evicted them for nonpayment and how I destroyed their credit and garnished their salary... - Jack, NY

Excuse of the Day for 12/02/03:

"You are so old and so rich you don't even need my money. What are you gonna do- go out and get your Mercedes waxed with it?"

No, but I think I'll spend his security deposit on my attorneys fee to evict that foul mouthed good for nothing! - Estelle, KY

Excuse of the Day for 11/28/03:

"Don't even ask me about the rent. Why don't you ask me how my toilet's doing or my stove?"

The toilet was fine, but clogged and they lost their plunger. The stove (1yr old) was fine for cooking, but the tenants broke the handle off and will be responsible to fix it or pay for it. - Jerry, WI

Excuse of the Day for 11/16/03:

"Me and my husband had a fight. I ripped the f***in wires out of his truck.... We had to pay to fix it so he can go to work so we can pay the rent."

I can't tell if she was more drunk when she told me or when they had a fight. - Mrs. Nit, Uniondale, NY

Excuse of the Day for 11/8/03:

"There are crickets all over the place. Yesterday one was in my soup. I'm not payin till you get rid of the crickets. "

This tenant doesn't close doors or windows and is responsible in the lease for pests and exterminating. This silly excuse won't work to get hin out of the late charge. Funny I only heard about the crickets when I asked where the late rent is. - Jack Klein, NY

Excuse of the Day for 10/31/03:

"I don't have the rent money because we had to plant my Mother-in-law last week. The entire family was suppose to pitch in, but they didn't. I will have half of the money for you when I get paid in two weeks.... "

My Reply: NOT... GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, NOW!!! - D.Davis - Fort Worth, Texas

Excuse of the Day for 10/30/03:

"A tree limb fell and damaged my car. It was your tree so you should pay. "

That's why my LPA lease requires them to have renters insurance. The lease protects me, but I think this tenant may have to go. - Maxine, NY

Excuse of the Day for 10/22/03:

"I spent it on my boobs. You'll just have to wait a little honey."

I can't believe she told me that. I sure hope she still mows the lawn after I give her my new late notice.- Eugene W., FL

Excuse of the Day for 10/6/03:

"Your gonna havta fix this boiler."

Apparently the new heating system wasn't good enough for this tenant. He decided to customize it so the furnace can double as a 2nd stove for cooking in the basemant. So inventive! The proceedings have begun. - Joe, Hempstaed, NY WA

Excuse of the Day for 9/30/03:

"I put in a new hot tub. It's OK- I'm leaving it with the house."

Who ever said we wanted a hot tub in our rental house? This joker has to go ASAP. - Lucille, Tacoma, WA

Excuse of the Day for 9/27/03:

"The rent will not be paid because I was kicked off social services for not attending the drug class, because they caught me with drugs in my system and I did not know the test would be that next day. Could you please wait till after my 45 day waiting period to get back on the system?"

- Kathy B.

Excuse of the Day for 9/24/03:

"We'll pay, but first we want to know if we like the tenant you have moving in to the other unit."

I hope it's worth the late fees.By the way, don't wait too long because I report to the credit bureaus now. - Jack, NY

Excuse of the Day for 9/19/03:

"I'm not going to change my lifestyle just because you are so anal about the rent."

Well I guess you are right if your lifestyle includes paying lots of late fees and being evicted.- Jack, NY

Excuse of the Day for 9/10/03:

"You are discriminating against me! You can't keep asking me for the rent just cause it's late. One more time and I'm complaining to the housing dept. "

She's misinformed. Now I'm not asking, I'm demanding and then I'm evicting - Josh E., CA

Excuse of the Day for 9/09/03:

"I'm an old fool. I liked you. Rent. Rent. Rent. All you want is my money."

Thats right fool. You are an old fool. Pay the rent or you out on the street! - Carol R., Reading, PA

Excuse of the Day for 8/30/03:

"I don't care what the lease says. The A/C repairman told me to take it up with my landlord!"

The A/C repairman won't have to pay my late fee, YOU WILL! He didn't sign a lease with me YOU DID. PAY UP or GET OUT! - Steve S.

Excuse of the Day for 8/20/03:

"I fixed the sprinkler system. I didn't have to do that you know."

That's right. You didn't have to. We didn't include a sprinkler system in the rent. - Steve S.

Excuse of the Day for 8/9/03:

"Just give me a few more days. I'm waiting for some things to sell on e-bay. "

Oh my word! - Kevin O. PA

Excuse of the Day for 8/6/03:

"You should see how much work we are doing. I completely tore out your old kitchen. "

This guy didn't ask if he could replace the decent but older kitchen. Now it's gutted with a pile of debris on the lawn! He won't pay unless I pay him for a new kitchen! I'm calling my lawyer. - Gunther, MA

Excuse of the Day for 8/04/03:

"It's your fault my check bounced. You didn't cash it until Friday and when I checked my balance on Thursday, I had all this money, so I went shopping."

My tenant then asked if she could pay weekly so she could keep better track of her money. That was six weeks ago and she still can't manage to pay. I'm sending a Pay or Quit notice tomorrow. - J in PA

Excuse of the Day for 7/27/03:

"Why should I pay you. You are just profiting off my money. "

- Mayer423

Excuse of the Day for 7/26/03:

"My disability checks come on the 1st and the 15th. Here is $300. The remainder due for this months rent will be paid when I get my next check."

Two pay checks later the remainder of the rent is still due. A pay or quit notice will be delivered today. - Taylor from Virginia

Excuse of the Day for 7/22/03:

"I don't have it. My boss said he'll explain it to you if you want."

We have a lease with you, not your boss. Will your boss pay the legal fees and late fees to keep you housed? - Arlene R., IL,

Excuse of the Day for 7/12/03:

"We're down to 1 car and I haven't been able to work as much. Is it OK to mail you the rent along with next months rent?."

Sorry, this will have to be cleared up now. Otherwise it will have to be cleared up in court-this month. - Perry, Pensacola, FL

Excuse of the Day for 7/6/03:

"I want a letter of reference right now that says we pay every month on time. It has to say how long we been here and we ain't never been late."

These people are in the process of eviction. They are the worst tenants we've had in many years. The rent is delinquent (months). They have never paid on time. In fact they have BEEN THE BIGGEST PAINS IN THE BUTT. I had to say NO, I will not commit fraud and lie to a new prospective landlord. The sheriff is only weeks away from ousting these losers anyway. - Steve, BVR, NY

Excuse of the Day for 7/1/03:

" I am taking a much relieved stress vacation from working at Wal-Mart on the advice of my doctor they are too much to deal with. I am leaving and will be back in 2 weeks. I just do not have the money to pay you right now."

OK - Your notice to quit will be left while you are away. Did the doctor tell you that your stress level will be increased 95% when you return?
Reply: Oh shut up!
She had only been working at Wally world for 6 weeks. Nowhere due for a vacation. In the end she went on a permanent vacation with the sheriff. -

Excuse of the Day for 6/17/03:

"I can't drive my car until the gas filter is changed and I can't get it changed until I drive it to the shop so I can't pay the rent until this gets worked out because I need my car to go to the post office to buy a money order and mail it."

I know this excuse is real- it's just pathetic. - Howlin Howie, NY

Excuse of the Day for 6/12/03:

"My lawyer told me I don't have to pay you the rent because you keep asking me for it every few days."

Shawna- CO

Excuse of the Day for 6/11/03:

"You don't understand, I can't pay the rent because I don't have a job, and I have all these extra animals living here because without me they would be homeless."

To which I replied " No you don't understand, I don't care, now you and the animals will be homeless." - Shawna- CO

Excuse of the Day for 6/10/03:

"My lawyer said I had to pay his fee before anything else, so the rent will just have to wait."

That's funny, my lawyer says to pay him to evict you before I do anything else! - Bianca, PA

Excuse of the Day for 6/3/03:

"I filled out the wrong address on my unemployment form."

Boy, I thought, he's really going to be confused about where he lives after I evict him. Maybe he'll get a job by then. - Grmpy

Excuse of the Day for 6/1/03:

"I had a dream that you are the devil. Right now I don't trust you with my money."

Oh my goodness. This person is psychotic. - Gregory, MD

Excuse of the Day for 5/28/03:

"I was out drinking last night and was hung over the next day and was late for work. What's the big deal? - You should have some drinks and chill out."

I told him that we had an agreement, and he said he might move out, and when I asked him if he's going to move out he said, "No."- Linda in Sarasota, Florida

Excuse of the Day for 5/25/03:

"I'm waiting for the refund on my daughter's communion dress."

Would you believe they spent the rent on a communion dress, used it and now want to return it for their money back?. - Jimmy R., NY

Excuse of the Day for 5/14/03:

"I'm the best tenant you ever had. You don't know how lucky you are to have me."

I don't feel so lucky. - Johnny J., OH

Excuse of the Day for 5/13/03:

"This house needs a new roof. No it doesn't leak, but I know it's pretty old."

So where the hell is my rent? - Jay R., DE

Excuse of the Day for 5/8/03:

"I'm sorry I don't have the rent again. This month, my 19 year old son crashed into the rear of another car. We had to pay for the damages with the rent because if it went on the insurance, we'd be so screwed."

So. instead you figure it's OK to screw me? - Ahmad K., MA

Excuse of the Day for 5/2/03:

"Don't bother to keep calling. We're going on a cruise and we won't be back for 2 weeks."

Well then I'll just go ahead and start the eviction. - Thomas W., Merrick, NY

Excuse of the Day for 4/17/03:

"Don't worry, I'll get you the rent and late fees. But I just got a new computer and that cost alot of money."

This came from a guy who was late before because he had to pay the cable bill or they were going to turn off his cable service! - Nancy M, Phila, PA

Excuse of the Day for 4/13/03:

"I'm waiting for my tax check."

I'm tired of this. Use the tax check to pay moving costs. - Artie, FL

Excuse of the Day for 4/11/03:

"I found mouse droppings in my shoes. Something better be done."

The rent is already late and according to our lease, you are responsible for exterminating. You really need to pay the rent or you may be evicted before the mouse is. (The mice must like strong toe cheese.) - Judy W., Bronx, NY

Excuse of the Day for 4/10/03:

"My grandmother died."

She must have come back from the dead...because he used the same excuse the NEXT month! - Cathy Blight, Michigan

Excuse of the Day for 4/9/03:

"I can't pay you the rent this weekend because I'll be racing my Toyota."

This man is a sorry excuse for an adult. - Nancy M, Phila, PA

Excuse of the Day for 4/4/03:

"I couldn't pay you rent because I went camping this weekend and had to buy a tent."

I got that rent but the next month he couldn't pay because his girlfriend left his sorry existence. I got him to leave ASAP. - Nancy M, Phila, PA

Excuse of the Day for 4/3/03:

"It was cold in January so I stayed at my girlfriends."

This was his 4th year renting from us and every year January gets cold in Pennsylvania. That year was no different. The judge agreed with me and ordered him out and, best of all, to clean the place from top to bottom - which he surprisingly did. - Nancy M, Phila, PA

Excuse of the Day for 3/31/03:

"I was hit with 2 overdraft fees of $145.00 each when I used my debit card. That's why my check to you bounced."

OOPs . . .We bank at the same place that you do (the name of the bank is on your check). We know from the bank's "Rules & Regulations" booket that the overdraft fee is $29.50. The only redeeming quality this resident possesses is that she is a lousy liar. - LAPGOAT

Excuse of the Day for 3/15/03:

"The doctor told me I'm too nice and I need to stay away from stress, so don't call me anymore, or I WILL SUE YOU FOR HARASSMENT!!"

I think it's time for this psychopath to leave. - Norman, Cockysville, MD

Excuse of the Day for 3/11/03:

"Don't worry, we have the money, but we need the rent delinquent a few months in order to qualify for assistance from social services."

I said: Ask social services to find you a new place to live cause you're outa here. - Mike, NY

Excuse of the Day for 3/10/03:

"I have broken my foot again. I can't pay the rent this month."

The tenant broke her foot when her son dug a hole near the steps for someone to hurt themselves on. He missed me,one his intended victims, and got his mom instead! Now her foot did set when she fell in the hole. But it has since broken again. This is getting old in a hurry. - Taylor in Virginia

Excuse of the Day for 3/09/03:

"We already paid this month. On the 1st, a man came to the house and told my son he was the landlord!"

First of all, you've never paid that early in the 2 years you've been living there. Second, Your lease states that rent is only to be paid to me and nobody else. Third, you mean to tell me you left your son who is 7 alone and responsible for $1,300. cash ??? - Al P., NY

Excuse of the Day for 2/22/03:

"I'll pay the rent when you make those kids stop bouncing that damn basketball outside!"

The neighbors have a basketball backstop in their driveway and only play during the day after school. - L.R. Berger, FL

Excuse of the Day for 2/18/03:

"You're not gonna make me follow all kinds of stupid rules in the lease. Go ahead and take me to court!"

O.K. - Steve, BVR Management

Excuse of the Day for 2/11/03:

"I know you all are planning to evict me, so I ain't payin no rent."

It's true. We are planning to evict for NON- PAYMENT! - George K., TX

Excuse of the Day for 2/10/03:

"My cat was injured, so I had to take her to the vet. The vet charged $450.00 so I used the rent money. That is why I do not have your rent.."

- Marla from Kentucky

Excuse of the Day for 2/07/03:

"You didn't get it yet? It was sent out early, but I might have got the address wrong."

She has never paid early since moving in 3 years ago. Always a collection challenge. Always a lame excuse. - Marie Kent, MI

Excuse of the Day for 2/05/03:

"The association manager is giving me and my guests a hard time. You better take care of this problem or you won't get the rent."

This is the same joker with the large cahonies to paint my condo dark green without asking. He has vehicles all over the place and is being a niusance to the other residents. Now the manager is willing to help support my eviction case. - Steve, BVR Mgmt

Excuse of the Day for 1/29/03:

"I just paid the painter. Look how beautiful it is."

My lease requires the landlord's written consent for tenants to be allowed to paint. Not only did he paint a horrible color to a beautiful new upscale Florida condo, but he used the rent money! I'll have to adjust for damages along with the eviction. - Steve, BVR Mgmt

Excuse of the Day for 1/28/03:

"Somebody shot my house with paint balls! You expect me to pay rent to live with this embarrassment?"

I'm not the one who keeps the neighbors up at night with barking dogs and teenagers racing their cars in front of the house. Looks like an eviction to me. - Irv, AZ

Excuse of the Day for 1/24/03:

"I thought I paid the rent. I didnt know you needed LMR (Last months rent) on deposit. Well I can't pay because the water pressure is low and I can't take a shower!"

What a *@#&**!~~ moron! - Anthony K.

Excuse of the Day for 1/23/03:

"I'm gettin married! Go ahead and evict me. I'm gonna have a new name and I'm not tellin you what it is."

Ok genius. Could your new name be the same as your boyfriend's, who's check you paid last month's rent with? By the way, a judgement of eviction will go on your credit report no matter what you change your name to. It may as well be "Mud". - Robert Gallagher, Maryland

Excuse of the Day for 1/22/03:

"We're giving our daughter a sweet sixteen party. Those things are a fortune. But DON'T WORRY. She's is going to rake in the bucks!"

I don't care how you raise the rent, as long as it's legal. Don't forget to pay the late fee. - Melina, Las Vegas, NV

Excuse of the Day for 1/21/03:

"The dog won't let me in the kitchen!"

First of all, the lease says NO PETS. She claims her husband keeps all the money in the kitchen cabinet and he's the only one who can go in the kitchen. My goodness! - Enid L., Newark, NJ

Excuse of the Day for 1/06/03:

"Why don't you get a job?!"

A few months ago I became executor of my parents estate after they passed away within weeks of each other. After their death I had to relocate 150 miles and quit two jobs to do alot of estate paperwork including dealings with realators, brokers, appraisers, accountants, lawyers, bankers and managing my parents properties that I stand to inherit in the near future. Because my name is not on the deed yet I deposit all rent money in a special account to pay all property taxes, utilities, maintanence, mortgage, Insurance, funeral expenses, etc..not a penny goes in my pocket. One tenant was 3 weeks late with his rent. The tenant response to me on why he's late with rent payment: The tenant says I should get a job. - Anthony

Excuse of the Day for 1/04/03:

"Don't have it right now, but You are such a good man. God bless you. Have a blessed day."

I wonder if they'll be blessing me after they get the late notice. - John N.

Excuse of the Day for 12/27/02:

"I've got great news. My husband is feeling much better now and we will be able to buy the property... Probably sometime after the new year."

When I asked about the rent, I got: "We'll talk about that sometime in January." I said: Be sure the rent is paid before the late penalties for January take effect. - Bonnie K.

Excuse of the Day for 12/20/02:

"Sorry, but I had to pay Santa."

- Leonard S.

Excuse of the Day for 12/15/02:

"This house is bad luck. First our phone is turned off, then our electric is turned off and NOW our cable TV is turned off!"

- The utilities would still be on if you paid the bills! Your luck's about to get worse, because unless you pay the rent now, you'll also owe an attorney's fee on top of your late fees. Then moving costs after I evict you. - Jack K

Excuse of the Day for 12/14/02:

"I didn't get my child support check and I think your former tenant stole it. I would like to have the mailboxes moved inside the building."

- Tony O.

Excuse of the Day for 12/11/02:

"We were cleaning and accidentally knocked over the refrigerator and it fell down the stairs. We are so sorry we can not pay the rent and also replace the broken refrigerator and steps. My husband is very sick over this."

- These people are bizarre. - Robert L., Georgia

Excuse of the Day for 12/08/02:

"He peed out the window on my head! I won't pay rent where the other tenants pee on me!"

- I'm having a problem with the upstairs tenants. Now it's affecting the downstairs unit. - Renee S., Chicago

Excuse of the Day for 12/07/02:

"Oh don't be such a scrooge. I have to buy presents for my beautiful grandchildren . Where's your holiday spirit?"

- Me: Oh I can be a scrooge if you don't pay the rent. I'll lose my holiday spirit and I will take it personally if I can't pay the mortgage because you spent the rent on presents. See you in court. - Jack K.

Excuse of the Day for 12/03/02:

"The check bounced because my husband put a money order in the bank thinking it was as good as cash. The bank says they treat money orders just like checks and now we have all sorts of fees to pay."

- Yes, you're right about the fees. My bank did that too and I changed banks. - Franny

Excuse of the Day for 11/25/02:

"The previous tenant came by and boy was he mad! He took up all the white rocks in the flower beds, the garbage pails and the wood he left in the yard. We rented this home because of the amenities."

- The previous tenant lost his security deposit and still owes us lots of money. He came back becuse he feels the rocks and garbage cans are his. We'll give this tenant new pails and rocks if they pay the rent. - Jack K.

Excuse of the Day for 11/24/02:

"I had way too many black olives. I've been throwing up for days!"

- How the HELL can black olives make your rent late? Those olives just cost you a $100. in late charges. My lawyer is going to laugh at this one. - Jennifer

Excuse of the Day for 11/19/02:

"The $850.00 rent check was no good because I figured I would go to the cash machine and take out the $850.00 to pay you in cash. The machine only let me take out $400.00. In doing so it made the check no good, but I have $400.00 for you."

- I said "That's great you gave me the check a week late, now this?" He wound up paying Nov rent off in 3 installments. Last one on the 18th. After he paid he was given notice to vacate. - Lou R., Long Island, NY

Excuse of the Day for 11/18/02:

"We are trying to get our financing together to be able to purchase the property."

- I'm not interested in selling to anyone who can't pay the rent! Or renting for that matter. - John N., NY

Excuse of the Day for 11/10/02:

"You have given all the other tenants a new stove and we didn't get anything. We want to be treated fairly."

- All our other tenants rent the units with the new appliances in it. All our other tenants pay the rent on time too. All our other tenants are paying market rent. Your rent hasn't been raised since you moved in 7 years ago. Besides your STOVE was NEW when YOU moved in! Pay or get out. - Alice R., MO

Excuse of the Day for 11/09/02:

"My rent check bounced because my sister is stupid. Can you believe she actually deposited all her wedding money and checks at the same time?"

- Cashiers check plus fees please....Next time give wine not rubber. - Chris

Excuse of the Day for 11/03/02:

"The heater for the pool is broken. I can't swim in cold water. You'll get the rent when the heater gets fixed."

- Since the use of the pool is not in the lease, the rent and late fee must be paid. - Charlie Jones - Fort Myers, FL

Excuse of the Day for 10/26/02:

"I couldn't afford my Paxil this month and was too afraid to face you."

- You don't have to face me. Just mail me the rent. - Anne M., NY

Excuse of the Day for 10/25/02:

"You are one greedy son of a b*!%#. My last landlord never gave me a hard time."

- Didn't I find out your last landlord evicted you? Besides you're almost a month late. - Theresa L., Conn

Excuse of the Day for 10/23/02:

"My word. Haven't you got any compassion? We're not rich you know."

- We know you're not rich, but we do expect you to keep your promise to pay the rent on time. You will have to leave if you can't keep up your end of the deal. - George R., CA

Excuse of the Day for 10/17/02:

"I've had enough of landlords asking for the rent. I'll pay it IF and WHEN I'm ready!!!"

- Um, OK... It's already more than half a month late. Here's your late charge notice and 30 days notice. Good bye and good riddance. - Rita B., OH

Excuse of the Day for 10/16/02:

"My daughter slipped on the kitchen floor under where the skylite was leaking. We're having her back and neck checked out."

- Whenever we ask about the rent, this tenant always slips in an "I'm going to sue you" inuendo. (We recently replaced the roof and sklite. We don't even know if she's telling the truth because she lies a lot.) This eviction will be a new experience here in Nassau County with the new eviction procedure. Now the landlord must to hire a moving company, pay for 30 days storage and coordinate the movers with the sheriff for the eviction. Nassau County, NY: the most Anti-Landlord County in the country. - Lou, BVR, NY

Excuse of the Day for 10/15/02:

"If I can't get any sleep in this place, I'll be #%@& if I'm gonna pay rent! Those birds are driving me crazy! "

- The tenant sleeps late. He goes to work at noon. The big goof hates that the birds outside chirp near his window. Imagine being evicted because of BIRDS? - Jerry, KY

Excuse of the Day for 10/14/02:

"My son just got his first speeding ticket."

- The tenant is going crazy because her insurance rates are about to jump about $3000. per year because the insurance company is finding out about an 18 yr old high risk driver in the family. Life is tough. The rent has to be paid and the late fee is hefty. - Jack, NY

Excuse of the Day for 10/11/02:

"It was raining and I couldn't get to the post office because I needed stamps."

- The rent is VERY late. The first part of this month had nice weather. The late charge is much more than stamps and a taxi. - Martina, WI

Excuse of the Day for 10/10/02:

"My father is out of work and I can give only so many massages!"

- Now she's a massage therapist? O.K. - I'll have to evict these winners if the rent can't be paid. - Jack K., NY

Excuse of the Day for 10/4/02:

"Sorry,but the bank made a mistake and seized our money thinking it was another account."

This went on for two months. Christmas had several presents ALL of which were over $300 each. We heard the "car note" also. We are putting them out. Now for the good stuff. I love collections agency's. - Diane, NYC

Excuse of the Day for 10/2/02:

"Sorry, but I had to pay my health membership."

How's that for priorities? We are putting them out.
- Diane, NYC

Excuse of the Day for 9/15/02:

"We really want to buy the place and want to save up for the down payment."

Even if we should decide to sell, you still have to pay the rent until then! (They didn't seem like morons when they first moved in.) - George, Conn

Excuse of the Day for 9/7/02:

"My wife's mother is sick, and if she dies, I'll have it all next week."

This guy is really hoping his mother in law dies so he can use her money to pay the rent! - Jackie, VA

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